And I smile..

 

PC: Erkin Yılmaz

When times were tough, I always stood waiting for it to pass.

Through all storms I prayed for the light to come, for the rain to go away.

So did I pray when there was pain, for the suffering to end, for the misery to end.

I wished no harm, but just prayed for it to pass, for light to shine and for the ache to end.

It took a while, but each time it did end, in its own form and time, but it did end.

Once the calm was back, once the suffering had ended, I felt empty for a while.

It was definitely what I prayed for, but the light also brought along the silence.

It felt different, it felt strange to feel light and also to deal with freedom.

I prayed for her pain to go away, I wished for her nights to be peaceful,

I wished for her to smile again. Oh! I just for my grandma to feel whole again.

Today, I see her chair empty, my heart aches to see this emptiness.

It’s a big puzzle, my mind doesn’t know how to process this absence, but then again, the heart reminds me:

She is whole again and blooming somewhere, my darling. And the light is here, it’s nothing but her warmth for you.

And I smile. I smile teary eyed at the rays that rush towards me, I smile when there is a butterfly near me, I smile when there is cold wind that blows on a hot summer day, 

I smile when the stars shine bright, I smile when there is a rainbow after a brief shower, I smile when I meet you in my dreams and I smile, every time I think of you grandma.


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